Tuesday, November 20, 2012

It's not you, it's me.

Dear Chemistry,
It saddens me how our relationship is turning into a bad romance. In all honesty, I never thought we’d ever lose spark. Since I respect and loved you once, with all my heart, I’m just gonna take a different path. Just so whatever in between us won’t have to turn into something really ugly and bitter? I don’t know but recently, all you do is bring out the dumbest in me and I don't like it. Though I cannot tell you yet what I want in the future, I am very certain that its not you or anything like you, at all. I'm sorry. I’m afraid this is the end of us. I hope to see you not, ever. 

I’ve always thought the need to work my ass to get something I really want would be the most difficult thing I would ever get to do in this life time. Boy, I was wrong. Trying to figure what I really want in life is the bomb. That stagnant and lost feeling –asn@!!cna! I don’t even know where to start. L

While I’m on my third semester on Master of Science in Chemistry Education, I had this sudden change of heart. Okay, maybe not sudden, since it is actually recurring, whatever. The thing is I don’t find Chemistry fascinating anymore. It’s only been two weeks since class started yet I can’t wait for the semester to end. God knows how much I wanted to fast forward to Christmas break and how hopeful I am for class suspension every time it rains or whenever new LPA is around (true story, bro). I hate how my mind automatically shuts down upon hearing chemistry related words; that I have to dyslexic-ally sit for a three hour lecture of derivatives and stuff; how I do injustice to my professor –like, he does his lectures beautifully and I, in return, leave his class without understanding one bit of it.

This is me during class:

Prof: Reviewing derivatives.
*IMH: Ah, so sleepy. I should’ve grabbed coffee on my way.
Prof: On total differential.
IMH: Dammit, it’s so cold. I should’ve worn something thicker. Wait, what the hell is he talking about? Damn, I need coffee. /doodles
Prof: On cyclic rule and thermodynamics.
IMH: Is it 11 yet?
Prof: Answer numbers 2 and 3. B.
IMH: Sufferings. Crap, I wanna go home. /doodles

*IMH – Inside My Head 

Sigh. I wish the thought never crossed my mind.