Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

It's not you, it's me.

Dear Chemistry,
It saddens me how our relationship is turning into a bad romance. In all honesty, I never thought we’d ever lose spark. Since I respect and loved you once, with all my heart, I’m just gonna take a different path. Just so whatever in between us won’t have to turn into something really ugly and bitter? I don’t know but recently, all you do is bring out the dumbest in me and I don't like it. Though I cannot tell you yet what I want in the future, I am very certain that its not you or anything like you, at all. I'm sorry. I’m afraid this is the end of us. I hope to see you not, ever. 
Sincerely,
J

I’ve always thought the need to work my ass to get something I really want would be the most difficult thing I would ever get to do in this life time. Boy, I was wrong. Trying to figure what I really want in life is the bomb. That stagnant and lost feeling –asn@!!cna! I don’t even know where to start. L

While I’m on my third semester on Master of Science in Chemistry Education, I had this sudden change of heart. Okay, maybe not sudden, since it is actually recurring, whatever. The thing is I don’t find Chemistry fascinating anymore. It’s only been two weeks since class started yet I can’t wait for the semester to end. God knows how much I wanted to fast forward to Christmas break and how hopeful I am for class suspension every time it rains or whenever new LPA is around (true story, bro). I hate how my mind automatically shuts down upon hearing chemistry related words; that I have to dyslexic-ally sit for a three hour lecture of derivatives and stuff; how I do injustice to my professor –like, he does his lectures beautifully and I, in return, leave his class without understanding one bit of it.

This is me during class:

Prof: Reviewing derivatives.
*IMH: Ah, so sleepy. I should’ve grabbed coffee on my way.
Prof: On total differential.
IMH: Dammit, it’s so cold. I should’ve worn something thicker. Wait, what the hell is he talking about? Damn, I need coffee. /doodles
Prof: On cyclic rule and thermodynamics.
IMH: Is it 11 yet?
Prof: Answer numbers 2 and 3. B.
IMH: Sufferings. Crap, I wanna go home. /doodles

*IMH – Inside My Head 

Sigh. I wish the thought never crossed my mind. 
Trololol.